Srimati Radharani’s Moods in Separation, Part 2

raya kahe,—"kaha sahaja-premera laksana" rupa-gosani kahe,—"sahajika prema-dharma"

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.149

[Ramananda Raya further inquired, "What are the natural characteristics of awakening love of Godhead?" Rupa Gosvami replied, "These are the natural characteristics of love of God.]

pidabhir nava-kala-kuta

[This love is like poison; it is very bitter and poisonous. But you should anyhow strive to attain this love. Why?]

garvasya nirvasano

Krsna sent a message to Paurnamasi Yogamaya. The message read: “Srimati Radharani is not happy on seeing My svarupa. If She gives Me permission, then I will change My color and nature. I will come near Her with a golden complexion. Will She then be pleased and happy? Will She talk with Me? Will She give Me a seat near Her? How can I serve and help? Will She give Me a chance?” Paurnamasi Yogamaya replied, “Radharani knows that you are wearing peacock feathers. She also knows that You wearing the Vaijayanthi-mala. You wear a natabara dress with a turban on Your head. You also have a flute; You have everything. But, it is possible for You to meet Radharani only if You leave everything.” Krsna said, “Okay. I will leave everything. But how can I stop chanting Radharani’s holy names? This is not possible for Me. I am chanting Her name twenty-four hours a day. I cannot forget Her.” Paurnamasi Yogamaya then said, “Radharani is suffering because You are always chanting Her name. You should stop.” “This is not possible. How can I stop chanting Her names as long as I am residing in Vraja-mandala? I cannot stop. It is only possible for Me to stop chanting if I leave Vraja-mandala and go elsewhere.” Krsna then went to Mathura to practice. But there, He chanted Radharani’s names even more. Before, He would sometimes forget chanting Radharani’s names in Vraja Dhama when He was playing with His sakhas. It was possible for Him to not chant Her names for a few moments. But in Mathura, Krsna never forgot chanting His beloved’s names. To change His mood, Krsna was sent to Ujjain. Krsna’s position became worse in Ujjain. When He went to Dvaraka, He was surrounded by 16,108 queens. He also had many sons and grandsons. But Krsna never forgot chanting Radharani’s names. Day and night, Krsna only thought of Srimati Radharani. Srimati Radharani thought, “How can I serve and please Krsna?” But Krsna was never pleased in Dvaraka. His desire to meet Radharani increased every day. Srimati Radharani suffered from such pain. She said, “This love is like a great poison.” But love has this nature. It is better to practice Brahma-upasana in this life. There is no problem in this. The yogis are happy by remembering Paramatma. There is no need to do bhajana of Krsna’s Vraja-lila. Mahaprabhu stayed in Gambhira for eighteen years. He suffered so much there. Even when Krsna was orchestrating the Mahabharata war, He could not forget Srimati Radharani, the Vraja Devis, and the Vrajavasis. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura has explained what Krsna’s mood was when He was instructing Arjuna. Radharani said, “This love is like a great poison. But when Nanda-nandana is in the heart, then the heart is made very sweet. It is not possible to forget Him. But this separation is very painful.”

raya kahe,—"kaha sahaja-premera laksana" rupa-gosani kahe,—"sahajika prema-dharma"

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.149

[Ramananda Raya further inquired, "What are the natural characteristics of awakening love of Godhead?" Rupa Gosvami replied, "These are the natural characteristics of love of God.]

stotram yatra tata-sthatam prakatayac cittasya dhatte vyatham nindapi pramadam prayacchati parihasa-sriyam bibhrati dosena ksayitam gunena gurutam kenapy anatanvati premnah svarasikasya kasyacid iyam vikridati prakriya

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.150

['When one hears praise from his beloved, he outwardly remains neutral but feels pain within his heart. When he hears his beloved making accusations about him, he takes them to be jokes and enjoys pleasure. When he finds faults in his beloved, they do not diminish his love, nor do the beloved's good qualities increase his spontaneous affection. Thus spontaneous love continues under all circumstances. That is how spontaneous love of Godhead acts within the heart.'] Svarasiki means natural love. After hearing Krsna’s glories, Srimati Radharani told the others, “Don’t speak of this person’s glories to Me. This is too much; I can no longer listen.” But on listening to Krsna’s glories, Radharani suffers more than before. Yet, She suffers even when Krsna’s glories are spoken. Krsna then sent a message through His sakhas. The sakhas danced and sang Radharani’s glories. The sakhis said, “Radhe look! Some sakhas are glorifying You.” Radharani replied, “These sakhas have only come to cheat Me. You should tell them to stop.” But many sakhas continued singing and dancing. Some of them were Ujjvala, Kinkini, Pippali, Bhadrasena, Subhadra, and many others. There were many groups of sakhas. They learned Radharani’s glories and sang them meticulously like how Rupa Gosvami Prabhu sang, “Radhe Jaya Jaya Madhava Dayite.” The sakhas understand Krsna’s mood when He is not talking, eating, or playing. The priya-narma sakhas start singing and playing on their musical instruments like the Sarangi and Vina. They sing Radharani’s glories. The sakhis informed Radharani of how the sakhas were dancing. Radharani told them, “They are only dancing because they are hungry. They will stop when you give them something. You should send some sweets to them.” But, Radharani’s parrot Suka came out of his cage and said, “You can stay but I am going.” Why is Suka going? Because he has a big party. With his group of parrots, he collects grapes, dates, and all other fruits. He gives them to Krsna and returns. Suka told Radharani, “You should not go. The forest is dark and dense covered by many thorns. There is no way. How can you go?” But Radharani and the sakhis had arranged many preparations for Krsna and His sakhas. They thought, “How can we go? Today the sun temple is one side and Krsna is another side.” Some sakhis said, “There is one honest lady who has been performing austerities in Vraja-mandala since a long time. We will obtain anything we want by her mercy. We should go for her darsana. Today, we should go to her.” As they traversed a trail, they came across the lady. The sakhis said, “Look, there is one lady doing mantra-upasana since a long time.” When they went there, Krsna was nearby. The sakhas were singing Radharani’s glories for Krsna’s pleasure. They were singing Her holy names and describing Her pastimes. Radharani heard them sing Her glories. The sakhis then said, “Why can’t we glorify Your beloved as well?” The sakhis then sang Krsna’s glories. There was a competition between the sakhas and the sakhis. The sakhas said, “We won.” But the sakhis said, “We invite all of You to partake of some sweets today.” Thus, the sakhis invited Krsna. Krsna came to the forest and everyone took prasadam. Srimati Radharani and Krsna looked and spoke to each other. But did this cool Radharani’s heart? No.

srutva nisthuratam mamendu-vadana premankuram bhindati svante santi-dhuram vidhaya vidhure prayah parancisyati kimva pamara-kama-karmuka-paritrasta vimoksyaty asun ha maugdhyat phalini manoratha-lata mrdvi mayonmulita

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.151

['Upon hearing of My cruelty, moon-faced Rādhārāṇī may establish some kind of tolerance in Her aggrieved heart. But then She might turn against Me. Or, indeed, being fearful of the lusty desires invoked by the bow of formidable Cupid, She might even give up Her life. Alas! I have foolishly uprooted the soft creeper of Her desire just when it was ready to bear fruit.'] This love continually increases. This pain of separation has no treatment or relief. Radharani is neutral externally. But if the sakhis taunt or insult Krsna, then Radharani says, “No. He has no faults. He is good.” And if the sakhas say something, then Krsna says, “No. They are very good and nice.” Some sakhis tell Radharani, “Krsna is very cruel! Don’t look at Him.” Radharani’s heart is then greatly pained. She cannot tolerate the words of Her sakhis. She then says, “Don’t speak like this. Krsna is never cruel or hard. He is very sweet.”

yasyotsanga-sukhasaya sithilita gurvi gurubhyas trapa pranebhyo 'pi suhrt-tamah sakhi tatha yuyam pariklesitah dharmah so 'pi mahan maya na ganitah sadhvibhir adhyasito dhig dhairyam tad-upeksitapi yad aham jivami papiyasi

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.152

['Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them. Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble. Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women. Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living. Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.'] Radharani said, “I am sinful. Therefore, everyone speaks of Krsna’s cruelty to Me. Why am I hearing any complains regarding Him? No. This is not My life. I don’t like anything being spoken against Krsna. Please don’t complain against Krsna.” Radharani is happy when Krsna is glorified. She cannot tolerate anything being spoken against Krsna; She cannot tolerate. She will give an answer immediately. She is strong and not weak during this time. The sakhis said, “All right. You should invite Krsna. He is very sweet; He should come and play with us.” “No. Everyone is honest and chaste. There is no need to call Krsna. What will our families say? This is not good. All of us came here to worship the sun god. But it is not good to talk and meet in secret places. Don’t disturb Him. All of you should return without meeting Him,” Srimati Radharani said. Srimati Radharani told all Her sakhis to follow the etiquette of dharma.

grhantah-khelantyo nija-sahaja-balyasya balanad abhadram bhadram va kim api hi na janimahi manak vayam netum yuktah katham asaranam ka api dasam katham va nyayya te prathayitum udasina-padavi

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.153

['I was engaged in My own playful activities in My home, and because of My childish innocence I did not know right from wrong. Therefore, is it good for You to have forced us into being so much attracted to You and then to have neglected us? Now You are indifferent to us. Do You think that is right?']

antah-klesa-kalankitah kila vayam yamo 'dya yamyam purim nayam vancana-sancaya-praṇayinam hasam tathapy ujjhati asmin samputite gabhira-kapatair abhira-palli-vite ha medhavini radhike tava katham prema gariyan abhut

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.154

['Our hearts are so polluted by miserable conditions that we are certainly going to Pluto's kingdom. Nevertheless, Krsna does not give up His beautiful loving smiling, which is full of cheating tricks. O Srimati Radharani, You are very intelligent. How could You have developed such great loving affection for this deceitful debauchee from the neighborhood of the cowherds?']

hitva dure pathi dhava-taror antikam dhara-setor bhangodagra guru-sikharinam ramhasa langhayanti lebhe krsnarnava nava-rasa radhika-vahini tvam vag-vicibhih kim iva vimukhi-bhavam asyas tanosi

Caitanya-caritamrita Antya 1.155

['O Lord Krsna, You are just like an ocean. The river of Srimati Radharani has reached You from a long distance-leaving far behind the tree of Her husband, breaking through the bridge of social convention, and forcibly crossing the hills of elder relatives. Coming here because of fresh feelings of love for You, that river has now received Your shelter, but now You are trying to turn Her back by the waves of unfavorable words. How is it that You are spreading this attitude?' "] Srimati Radharani told the sakhis, “Krsna is an ocean and dharma is likened to a dam. If you want to meet this ocean, then you have to break the dam. And, it is impossible to return. A river never returns from the ocean. Sometimes waves arise by stocking the water; but it is not possible for the river to return from the ocean. The hill of dharma is our obligation to our families, elders, and society. Don’t cross these hills and don’t meet Krsna by force. Heart to heart love is different. By not looking or meeting, you will never lose your love. You will lose everything on meeting. Your love will never increase. You will not feel well. Therefore, you will feel happy by maintaining a distance from Krsna. Then you are very clean.” The residents of Dvaraka, Mathura, and all the other places meet Krsna and stay with Him. But the Vrajavasis and the Vraja Devis are at a distance from Krsna. But they have pure love—they will not lose that love. Neither will they misuse that love. Radharani said, “What is the nature of this love. All of us should quickly to Yama-puri (the abode of the god of death (Sri Yamaraja). If Krsna is not accepting us and is rejecting us, then all of us will go to Yama Maharaja.” Krsna was always with His sakhas. During His childhood, Krsna would continuously play with the sakhas. During that time, He had no sense. He would play simple games. Krsna’s moods changed as He grew. Radharani said, “When did Krsna’s moods change? Which mood is manifesting inside Him? It is not good and proper to think about this and that. During their childhood, everyone is dancing, playing, and singing. They have no tension.” But their moods started changing. They would feel tensed on not seeing Krsna. Meeting Krsna would create more problems. Why? Krsna is a young kisora now. Therefore, what could they do. Radharani said, “Alas! It is much better to go to Yamaloka. Why has My mind become dirty upon having thoughts of kissing and embracing Krsna? Our minds are not tensed when we meet Krsna. But now, why are we scared? What is the problem? Why are we at a distance from Krsna?” Thus, Rupa Gosvami wrote the Vidagdha-madhava and recited it in its entirety to Mahaprabhu and He tasted every word that Rupa Gosvami had to say. Now we will hear more tomorrow. These pastimes are very deep and high. Everyone is not qualified to listen. Yet, we came across these chapters of Sri Caitanya-caritamrita. Otherwise, I would not speak on this subject. We will enter nitya-lila by reading these pastimes and by remembering them when we chant. Then it is possible. We will no longer be attached to this world. Gaura Premanande! Hari Haribol!