[Spoken by Srila Gurudeva on January 12th, 1998, in Australia, published as part of the Bhakta Bandhav Anthology, Volume 23]
Srila Gurudeva: We are chanting, remembering, we are reading the books of Svamiji, Srila Bhaktivedanta Svami Maharaja. Also, we are reading so many books like Srimad-Bhagavatam, Caitanya-caritamrta, we remember so many slokas, we can give so many classes, very beautiful classes, but we don’t realize anything. This is the thing. We are not satisfied. Why is our heart not melting? Why are tears not coming? If anyone chants Krsna’s name really, He is bound to come. Because Krsna is so beautiful, so marvelous, sweet, He has all kinds of attributes. So, anyone who is really chanting, Krsna will come in his heart and his heart will be melting. Tears will come, then trembling will come, and their body will tremble. Sometimes sweat will come. Sometimes he will roll down on the earth, crying out, “O Krsna, where are You? O Radha, where are You?”
Rupa and Sanatana were always weeping. Sometimes in Radha-kunda, sometimes in Krsna-kunda. Sometimes in Vrndavana, sometimes in Govardhana. Shouting very loudly, “O Radhe, where are You? O Lalite! I cannot live without you, where are you? O Krsna, beautiful Krsna, where are You?” Sometimes in Radha-kunda, sometimes in Govardhana. What is Govardhana? Kalpa-padapa-tale. Govardhana is like a kalpa-vrksa, a desire tree. He can fulfill all kinds of desires. “O Govardhana, why are you not fulfilling my desires? I want to meet Krsna. Without Krsna, my life is in vain.” We cannot tell like this. No tears, nothing. So, Caitanya Mahaprabhu is telling, “When will such a day come that I will realize what is Krsna?”
We are chanting, we are reading books, we are telling all these things, but the thing is that we are not realizing anything. Tears are not coming. So this was the case with Vyasadeva. He wrote so many things. I have written so many books. I am a good preacher. I have also served so many high-class Vaisnavas like my Gurudeva, like Svamiji, like Srauti Maharaja, Pujyapada Sridhara Maharaja, and so many at that time. Madhava Maharaja, Yayavara Maharaja, Giri Maharaja, I cannot count them. I have served them. But still, I am feeling some lack. That no tears are coming. So Vyasadeva was realizing this. “I have done all these things. I have written Gita, a very beautiful book, full of knowledge. But why are tears not coming? Why is my heart not melting? I have done some offenses. There are some anarthas in me.”